


It's Okay to Go

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Recovery, sorry guys tonys dead and everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It took a lot of arm twisting, but they got Peter to see a Psychologist.Whether or not it's gonna help is up to debate





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> god, i'm writing so many of these. Help

Peter Parker was staring at his feet, hands fiddling with one another, body language tense.

He didn’t want be here, that much was obvious

But there he was, sitting in a grey-walled waiting room. The secretary had seen him staring at the bare room, commenting that the doctor had just moved into this office- that he was working on livening the office up, but wasn’t quite there yet. Peter couldn’t muster up any interest in the explanation. 

The man in question had come highly recommended by Mister Wilson

“He helped me out like you would not believe, Pete” the older man had explained, as Peter’s eyes trailed the damage on his mechanical wing. “The man is dedicated. Not military affiliated, just good at what he does” 

It had taken a lot of cajoling to get Peter to visit him. Hell, they had to get Morgan in on it, which was the opposite of okay. How dare they use that cutie against him? 

But there he was, alone, because for the life of him he refused for May to join him. If this guy really was good, he didn’t want May there to see him. It wouldn’t be pretty. 

Nothing with his emotions ever was. 

“Mister Parker?” A light Tony came from the door

Peter turned his head and was greeted by a modestly tall man, with straw blond hair and kind, brown eyes. 

“Uh, that’s me” Peter answered, greeted with a chuckle 

“Well I’d hope so. Come on in” the door opened further, and Peter fought a sudden urge to high-tail it by going into the office 

Peter ended up staring almost incredulously at the amount of greenery in the office. Spider plants and ivy and a few aloe plants littered the office, they were on the desk, and hanging in the large window, filtering what little sunlight there was. The walls were painted a calm cream color- probably _for_ the plants. 

“Please, sit” the doctor offered, motioning to a navy blue, well loved sofa. Peter sunk into it, getting a better look at the “highly recommended” doctor Kevgil. 

Well first off, the man had a Mohawk (ish?), and more piercings than Peter would have guessed he’d see on a man two two doctorates- which is to say, _anything_ other than perhaps an earring. He was dressed in slacks and an overly colorful sweater- reminding him of his aunts old school photos from the 80's. Safe to say the man had an aesthetic 

“We’ll start with introductions” he said, pulling his rolling chair out from behind his pristine desk, talking as he sat down a respectful distance from the couch “I’m doctor Malcom Kevgil. And you?” 

“Uh… I’m Peter Parker”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mister Parker. May I call you Peter?”

The teen nodded 

“Alright. You can call me whatever is most comfortable for you” 

“Okay, Doctor Kevgil” 

It went on like that, the doctor facilitating small talk, asking simple questions like his age and what he was doing in school. It was mundane, and Peter figured it was just to get him to loosen up- a fair enough prospect.

But then-

“So Peter, tell me, what do you want to accomplish by visiting me?” 

The teen blinked “Uh… well, I want to feel better, I guess”

“Better how?”

“.... I guess I want to be happier?”

“.. So you aren’t happy now?”

“.... “ Peter rubbed his face, looking away “... I don’t think so” 

“.. Why?” 

Peter supposed that this was were the therapy started. 

“... Well cause I’m grieving, I guess” 

“You have lost someone recently?” as if he didn’t know. 

“... Yeah” Peter muttered the answer 

“Do you want to… get over the loss?” he asked, Peter’s head snapped up to look at the man 

“N-no! Getting over it isn’t- that's not-” 

“Then what do you want to do with this grief, Peter?” Doctor Kevgil interrupted. 

“.... Move on?” 

“And moving on will make you happy?” 

Peter actually took a moment to answer that, brow furrowed and the grip he had on himself tightening slightly. 

“... I think so?” 

The doctor smiled 

“Then we can start there, Peter” 

Peter swallowed a lump in his throat he recognized as nervousness. 

“.. Okay”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter feels like they're stalling
> 
> Or maybe... He's stalling

Several weeks in, and Peter felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere. 

Sure, they talked, and sometimes Peter would feel like they would broach a subject, but every time he felt like he was getting close… he clammed up

Doctor Kevgil seemed endlessly patient 

So at the end of a session, he decided to broach the topic

“.. Hey uh, doctor Kevgil?” Peter voiced as he got up 

“Yes?” 

“Well uh… are we like… getting places?” 

Doctor Kevgil raised an eyebrow “Getting places?” 

Peter huffed. “Yeah like…. You know… places” 

“.. I’m afraid you’ll have to be a little more specific” Doctor Kevgil worded it carefully, and Peter - ever observant - felt grateful for the lead-in. 

“I don’t really know where we’re going? Like, I know i’m supposed to feel better but I don’t really.. Feel like we’re talking about important stuff” 

“What kind of important stuff?” Malcom's eyes seem to narrow. He knew what he was doing. 

Peter looked away from the doctor, his confidence suddenly gone like a burst of wind. 

“Uh.. like.. Uh..” He tried, he really did. But all he could manage from his pondering was a frustrated exhale “I don’t know.” 

Malcom got up from his desk, a sympathetic smile on his face “And that’s why we’re not there yet, Peter. You’re not sure where you want to start” He explained. “We’ll get there one day, okay?” 

“But, it’s been like, 2 months!” Peter huffed 

“Yes, and some of my patients don’t open up until we’re six months in. Its a process, Peter. And I won’t rush you” 

Peter rubbed at his eyes 

“Peter?” 

“I just… I want to be better already” 

“.. I know, Peter. But you have to be patient with yourself” Doctor Kevgil explained. “You won’t get better overnight. Recovering from grief takes a long, long time” 

Peter just nodded “... Okay… See you next week” 

“See you next week, Peter” 

The teen just nodded, and shuffled out of the office and into the elevator down the hall, reaching the lobby and practically crawling into the grey Audi parked outside

“Hey uh, Happy? Can we just.. Go straight home?”

“.. Sure, kid” the man responded- the engine rumbling smoothly as he pulled out of the parking lot “Everything okay?” 

“.. I think so” Peter responded vaguely, laying down in the back of the car with his eyes toward the ceiling. 

He shut his eyes, and - thankfully- did not dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recovery ain't linear, folks! Next chapter will have real, tangible substance in it and be pretty long, so don't expect it for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look a proper chapter with character development

Peter found himself hating the quiet. 

Even ambient quiet just… doesn’t work. He needs noise. Sound. Something that reverberates in his chest and figuratively shatters his sternum. 

He can’t stand the quiet. 

His hatred of it really hit him during a test while at school. The pencil scratching wasn’t enough. The tapping of shoes on tile and the fluttering of paper. It wasn’t enough. 

It wasn’t enough

He finished his test and asked to be excused - his sympathetic math teacher nodded, and the boy left, finding his way to a stairwell and shoving his earbuds in his ears. It was too quiet. Too quiet. I needed noise. God, he needed noise. 

It was becoming a problem. 

It really came to a head while babysitting Morgan. She was asleep, he had to stay quiet. 

Then his headphones broke. 

When Pepper returned home, she was greeting my Morgan, crying, because Peter “wouldn’t wake up” 

His hands were clasped over his ears, his eyes shut. He was trembling. 

It took calling Strange and using a sleeping spell to fully knock him out of it. 

It needed to be addressed. 

So there he was, sitting, fiddling with his hands again as he sat in the doctor’s office. 

The walls has been painted a gentle, calm green that reminded him of the grassy marsh near the Stark Lake house. What a calm place it was. But the quiet, god the quiet. 

“Doctor Kevgil will see you, Mister Parker” 

He didn’t even look up at misses Penelope as he trudged into the office. 

“Good afternoon, Peter” 

It took him a moment to respond. 

“H-hi, mister Kevgil” Peter muttered, sitting down and staring at his feet. 

“... I’m guessing you’re not doing well” the doctor reacted carefully. 

The boy just shook his head 

“And what is the reason, Peter?” 

“... I … I think I can’t… be quiet?” 

“Do you mean that you’re talkative? I can certainly believe that” 

“No, no I mean…. Quiet…. It freaks me out” Peter tried to explain. 

“Why is that?” 

“I …. Don’t know” Peter started at his knees, picking at his jeans. 

The doctor gave him a skeptical look “You don’t know?” 

Peter shook his head. 

“Well, we’re going to have to figure that out, Peter. You’ve never had to call me for an emergency meeting. Can you recite to me the episode?” 

“Well uh, I was watching Morgan for uh, Misses Stark.. and Morgan was in bed which meant I had to be quiet.. but I wanted to listen to some music and.. my headphones broke” 

The doctor makes a thoughtful noise 

“And… the silence it was…. I don’t know it… I couldn’t take it” He murmured. 

‘... When was the last time to experienced silence and enjoyed it?” Doctor Kevgil asked. 

Peter had to pause there. His lips pursed as he fell back through his memory, and landing on the particular thought. 

“Uh, when I was in space… Just uh… just before we landed on Titan and fought Thanos” he recalled 

“Ah yes, you went into space with Doctor Strange and” There was a small pause “Tony Stark, right?” 

Peter nodded 

“Just before the decimation, correct?” 

He nodded again. 

“It was… I had… there was some time where everyone was quiet and I just… I uh… took a nap” 

“Okay.. tell me the next time that there was silence. The first time you didn’t like it” 

Peter was starting to wring his wrists. 

“It… it was…. “ Peter’s voice faded off, wringing his hands together and looking at one of the doctors funny-looking plants. 

“... It was?” 

“... When… when he died” Peter managed “ Everyone just… just didn’t speak. His arc reactor.. It… powered down I… his heartbeat… I couldn’t” 

“His heart stopped.. You heard him die, right?” 

The boy nodded weakly, inhaling a shaking breath. 

“And then…?” 

“.... No one… no one said anything.. Or at least.. I don’t think they did? Pepper was crying. She thought she was being quiet but I heard it.” 

“... And after that, silence” 

“.. Unbearable. I hate it” 

Malcom’s expression was soft. 

“... I see” 

There was a moment of silence, Peter started digging his nails into his jeans 

“... You have extra-sensory hearing, right?” 

Peter nodded

“And it’s not something you can deactivate?” 

Peter shook his head. 

“Hm….. have you ever tried counting?” 

The boys brow furrowed 

“... Counting?” 

“Counting” Malcom nodded. “Whenever you’re feeling like the quiet is too much, try counting to 100, focus on the numbers and see if that focus helped the anxiety” 

“.. Anxiety?” 

“That’s what this roots from, Peter. Anxiety” 

There was a moment of quiet 

:... So that's it, huh?” 

Malcom took in a deep breath, exhaling through his nose “You and I both know that this is just the start” 

Peter huffed

“Yeah, yeah I know..” He grumbled quietly, a hand going through his hair.

Malcom frowned “Peter, I know that you know you have a lot going on. And I don’t mean in school” 

“... Does it just… go away, after a while?” Peter reasoned 

“.. Is that what happened with your Uncle?” 

“..... no” 

“Then why would this be different” 

“... I dunno, cause it can?” 

Malcom’s face wasn’t impatient or annoyed, but was unimpressed. 

“It isn’t” 

The boys shoulder’s slumped slightly. 

“I’m going to ask this of you once again, Peter” Malcom adjusted in his chair “Do you want to get better?” 

Peter immediately nodded - a reaction he didn’t expect of himself. The psychologist smiled 

“Then we’re going to have to start a little closer to the beginning. But that just means we’re at the real start.” Malcom explained “Ready to try again?” 

Peter took a deep breath, eyes closed. When he opened them again, Doctor Kevgil was still smiling. It was a kind smile, genuine. Peter knew the doctor wanted to help

Peter nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why no, this isn't dead

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? Comments? come bug me on tumblr! 
> 
> http://doodleimprovement.tumblr.com


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